Wednesday, March 29, 2006

a story.

It is dark. The night has swallowed the sky, leaving several telltale pinpricks of light behind. The window is dry but I feel like it's raining. Lying back on my pillow, I grant myself the small favour of allowing a few tears to escape. Shutting my eyes, I feel them going down the sides of my temples, leaving a bit of themselves behind like a wet trail. A wet trail of blood. Those words seemed like images, sharp and daunting, still fresh in my mind. Failing to soften any part of my pain, I get up and creep to the window, running my fingers along the creaky birch pane. Pushing it ever so slightly open, I slip out of the house like a vanished shadow.

Bare feet on the bitumen, well-worn and warm from the passing cars on a Tuesday night. My oversized black Salvation Army shirt flaps in the wind. The clothing I own is understated and second-hand, all from various charity organisations that were sympathetic enough to donate them; most of them still packed away neatly in my suitcase. Ignoring the horns and the
lights, I cross Colt Street and go straight down the road. Breaking into a sprint, I reach the fringe of town, the crossroad where civilisation meets nature. Running into the open arms of darkness, I lose myself in the folds of the forest.
Sinking down to my knees, I close my eyes again, willing peace to flood me, to find the serenity I was shut away from back in the apartment, Number 2 Blackmore Drive. Here in the depths of the night, I feel the breeze caress my cheek, and taste the rare treat of freedom. For a moment I let myself be released of those flashing scenes, the tormenting pictures that flicked so fast like a film before my eyes; the pictures that tortured me every day of my life since the fire.

I lie incredibly still and hear the howling wind call.
I consciously start to inhale, then exhale, my breath getting shallower with every second.
I keep my eyes open, vaguely wondering how the world looks like without breath. 17.. 18.. 19...
The stars are ablaze tonight, hazy. 25..26..
The distant thumping pulses around me, dancing before my eyes, enclosing me.. 32...33..
The stars start to extinguish, one by one, then the sky suddenly seems bright again, glaring, even. 35.. Piercing and penetrating, almost unearthly. 39... 40..
Falling. The earth beneath me caves in, and i hold on to my consciousness. 46.. 47..
Pain, ever so slight, so faint that when it comes hard I am unprepared for it.

..I gasp, the sweeping, saturated air saving my withering lungs. Sitting up, I watch and feel everything shake and whirl in all its haphazard technicolour. My mind drifts; my gaze unfocuses. And I stay sitting there for a long time, as long as the world can hold me.

Posted by don'tbestupid at 7:29 PM

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

haha wow i haven't been on here for AGES. it's quite funny actually.
how's everything-slash-everyone-slash-etc? (:
it's AUTUMN here now. wheeeee. too bad the leaves aren't dropping yet.

things i wanna do:
1. Watch prisonbreak / LOST if i have time (i have no idea what the plots are about but yeah.)
2. start up drum lessons again!
3. watch memoirs of a geisha on dvd.
4. sleep.
5. go back to s'pore in july (though that's virtually impossible cos i have 40h of drama rehearsals in the hols and i signed that contract thing. bleh.)

things i'm gonna do:
1. finish that carton of vanilla yoghurt in the fridge later when watching tv with sis.
2. hoping that vanilla yoghurt wasn't expired cos honestly, i've seen in in the fridge for an awfully long time now.
3. the english essay next week on the teen documentary.
4. go to PTA in week 11 ): , order of mom.
5. have april HOLS and my bday!! wheee.
6. go down to busselton or however you spell it (3h drive away!) to this resort thing with kaylah & alessia for four whole days! yay.(:
7. go back to (sob) school in term2.

so yeah that's basically the rundown of what's going on. i guess. haha. sigh i wish i could call you people. i'll attempt to tomorrow okays? miss ya heaps.. tag me! no matter how much you think this is a dead blog. haha.(;
---ame.

Posted by don'tbestupid at 9:02 PM